The following is a transcript of the "Chat with Dr. Cantrell" from November 12, 2009. Links to additional resources and information from the chat transcript are included to the right.

Mom_Soz
Good evening Dr. Cantrell.

dr._cantrell
Hello how are you doing?

Mom_Soz
I'm doing well, thank you.... How about you?

dr._cantrell
Doing well. Just met the remains Aaron Aamot from my county from the Airport to the funeral home. Thousands of people showed up with flags and signs to honor our first soldier killed in Afghanistan.

Mom_Soz
Wow..it amazes me sometimes, the support that people are giving in these situations.

Mom_Soz
Thank you for being there for that family.

dr._cantrell
It truly is so amazing. I was with Combat Veterans International, Bandidos, Bikers for Christ etc. and we were riding to honor him and thousands of people lined the streets it was so very touching.

Mom_Soz
Oh.. I imagine it was.

dr._cantrell
This is what it is all about. The community is where healing starts.

Mom_Soz
Yes it is.

dr._cantrell
I have never seen a community like the Marine Families have, this is so great.

Mom_Soz
People have really been stepping up and being there for one another. Quite a change for just a short time ago.

dr._cantrell
Yes, I think that people or at least some are finally waking up and realizing this war is touching each and everyone of us.

Mom_Soz
I totally agree... This Marine Family is so different from the other services. Quite a few are envious of our bond.

Mom_Soz
Yes, I think you are correct. This really is touching everyone.

Mom_Soz
Whether they have someone in Service or not.

dr._cantrell
Hopefully the other branches will use this an a model. but they are so much larger so this makes it more difficult.

dr._cantrell
I was on CNN friday night, and this what I said is that it takes more than mental health, and chaplains, it takes the entire community, whether they have served or not. We must hold our arms out and support you the families as well as all our warriors. The road is long, and more difficult if each step is taken alone.

Mom_Soz
I wish I would have known you were on. I would have watched!

Mom_Soz
Thank you for that. Hopefully, those who have not joined in with support heard what you were saying.

dr._cantrell
It was just for a few minutes. I had an earpiece, and just looked at a little black box, they were asking me about the effects of Fort Hood. It will be put on my webstie.

Mom_Soz
The road definitely is long when you are trying to go it alone... I did that for about 2/3 of my son's 1st deployment... because I was not used to being part of a community like MarineParents, I was afraid to join in... I finally got over my fear and have been here ever since.

Mom_Soz
I will check out your website.

dr._cantrell
Wonderful. I give this site out to all branches so they can get info.

Mom_Soz
Tracy did an awesome thing when she started this site. I know she had no idea what it would grow into.

dr._cantrell
I am redoing it soon, it is just basic, it is so difficult to find someone to do a good job I guess.

dr._cantrell
Tracy is a pioneer and totally awesome. What a blessing she is to many many people.

Mom_Soz
Absolutely.

Mom_Soz
I was finally able to meet her in person, this past September when we had our 1st Volunteer Retreat.

dr._cantrell
Wow, she is just amazing. She is a good friend. I will be there in April for your big meeting.

Mom_Soz
That's wonderful. I'm hoping to be able to get vacation time from work so I will be able to be there as well.

dr._cantrell
It is really incredible to meet the parents. They are so grateful to have this community.

Mom_Soz
Yes, they are... I'm grateful we are able to be here for them as well.

dr._cantrell
How is your Marine doing?

Mom_Soz
He's doing well. He is a Reservist and is stateside at the moment.

Mom_Soz
We have rumors flying about impending deployment but no orders so he is continuing going to College and does his weekends once a month.

dr._cantrell
This is great. What is he studying?

Mom_Soz
Math, with a secondary emphasis as a High School Math teacher.

Mom_Soz
Apparently he will, when he finally graduates, have 2 degrees.

dr._cantrell
That must be interesting for him. It soundslike he wants to a teacher. Good for him.

Mom_Soz
He's been struggling a bit with having been deployed twice and not yet having graduated, as all of his friends have.

dr._cantrell
This is something that they learn to deal with.

Mom_Soz
Yes, he seems to be a little less frustrated at the moment.

Mom_Soz
He's been doing some student teaching this semester so I think that is helping.

dr._cantrell
Keeping busy is very important.

dr._cantrell
Do you have any questions.

Mom_Soz
That is a challenge sometimes, but yes, important... the down times seem to be when he is a little more frustrated.

Mom_Soz
I don't, thank you... I'm your room moderator for the evening. Actually, I will probably be joining you from now on when we have your chats.

dr._cantrell
We have a big group tonight don't we. I wonder what happened

Mom_Soz
I'm not sure.... I know we had it posted on the website and we've been announcing it in the Chat Rooms

dr._cantrell
Oh well it is ok. I wonder if you went to another room and asked if anyone wanted to ask me questions.

Mom_Soz
Actually, I was just PMing one of the Mods in the Support Room, asking her to let people know we are here and they should come visit if they have questions

dr._cantrell
Ok that is great.

anna_rose_luna
My son has return from deployment and will be coming home in the next couple of weeks, what changes should I expect and what should I avoid?

dr._cantrell
You might see sleep issues, anger, more isolation.

Mom_Soz
Do you have any questions you would like to ask Dr. Cantrell?

anna_rose_luna
He will be at his base for a period of over a month before coming home for a couple of weeks, in other words, let him relax and rest? thank you, I have read your books and they are very helpful.

dr._cantrell
Thank you so much i am glad that the books are helpful.

Mom_Soz
Having him home for a couple of weeks will be wonderful you, Ana. p>anna_rose_luna
I also bought him a copy for himself and plan to give it to him for the holidays.

dr._cantrell
Yes, be careful of your expecations. p>dr._cantrell
This will be helpful.

anna_rose_luna
I think that it is best not to expect anything and just let him be himself and go from there.

dr._cantrell
Absolutely.

scottiesmom
Hi everyone this is my first time on this site and I am so glad I found this.

dr._cantrell
Welcome.

anna_rose_luna
He also knows he is getting deploye again and his unit has been split.

dr._cantrell
This is difficult.

scottiesmom
I am not quite sure what to expect when my son comes home.

..heymicahsmom
I have no idea what to do if my son has nightmares while he is home. Are there certain things we should/should not do?

Mom_Soz
From personal experience, one thing not to do it touch him while he is sleeping or having that nightmare.

sa818
Dr. Cantrell when your done answering ththose questions I have a complex question I would like to ask.

dr._cantrell
Please just be careful not to over parent and just go with the flow. As far as parties, sometimes this is something they are not too interested in.

dr._cantrell
Yes. please do not touch him. Let him sleep whenever and wherever he can.

..heymicahsmom
Should I go to him if he has a nightmare?

..heymicahsmom
Is there a way to comfort him?

dr._cantrell
No let him be, when they have nightmares they can react very aggressively.

..heymicahsmom
Okay, thank you.

dr._cantrell
Talk about it ahead of time. and ask him what he needs.

dr._cantrell
Sometimes just turning on the light, or yelling his name from the doorway will be enough to interupt the nightmare.

anna_rose_luna
I read in one of your works that it is common for them to drink more than usual? I spoke to him and he did say he was drinking but not overdoing it,will he be doing that when he comes home? or is this something temporary?

dr._cantrell
Sometimes they come home with behaviors that were not so prevelant before they were deployed. Everyone of them are different, but there are some behaviors that are used as means of coping.

dr._cantrell
Yes, he will probably be drinking when he comes home, especially if he goes out with his buddies. <

dr._cantrell
It is hard to predict how things will go, but it is best to just parent from a distance. They have grown up in ways that may not have been part of their lives before they were deployed.

scottiesmom
What about anger, how would I deal with that.

sa818
Dr Cantrell my son has been on 2 deployments and both times there were problems after, and I have been on your chat before about them.

anna_rose_luna
Goodness! I am going to need help, the state I live in is very strict on the alcohol level, how should I address this situation that was not there before?

dr._cantrell
Anger, is certainly something that sometimes is used to push people away, or to cope with emotions that they don't want to feel.

sa818
It has now been almost a year since his second deployment and he has been diag. with PTSD.

sa818
He woke up one day and I guess everything hit him from his 1st deploy.

dr._cantrell
Your son will ultimately have to take responsibility for his alcohol use, and there are consequences with his military career if he is charged with a DUI.

dr._cantrell
If your son has PTSD, what are some of the things you have seen in him?

sa818
My problem is why do they medicate them to the extreme that they are non funtional.

dr._cantrell
Sometimes with the medication it is a way to calm them down enough so they don't do something impulsive.

sa818
My son is still in service and he was put in hospital becasue he was having anxity attacks, anger.

scottiesmom
What are the signs to look for PTSD.

dr._cantrell
They should not be over medicated, and sometimes you can be his advocate and let him and his docs know this is over doing it.

sa818
How can you be advocate when they are over 21.

sa818
I have been fighting with military for 3 months.

dr._cantrell
Anger, isolation, withdrawl, nightmares, startle responses, sleep problems, anxiety and panic and just feeling like they no longer fit in with their families and civilians.

sa818
He is on 4 meds.

sa818
This is a nightmare.

dr._cantrell
You can talk to your son and ask him if he needs some help navigating the system. Sometimes they have Traumatic Brian Injuries and their judgement is not very good and they require this extra support.

sa818
Son thinks everything his doctor says to him is the word of God.

dr._cantrell
Maybe he should see someone outside the military. Are they redeploying him?

scottiesmom
I am really scared as to what to expect.

dr._cantrell
Teach him to challenge. You can also get his permission to call his doctor.

sa818
He is seeing someone outside becasue the military has no vacancies.

dr._cantrell
What do you mean about what to expect.

dr._cantrell
Does this person understand combat trauma.

sa818
I don't know the military sent him there.

dr._cantrell
Has this person asked for additional information from family members.

sa818
If you ask me I don't think they are I don't understand at all how anyone can allow him on the meds he is on and sit back and do nothing.

dr._cantrell
Scottiesmom, what are you fearing?

..heymicahsmom
What are the 4 meds?

sa818
No.

sa818
Zoloft, Valium, Clonidine, Seraquil.

dr._cantrell
Some are on many more than 4 meds.

tassiekathy
Good evening Dr. Cantrell - Last summer my husband passed away unexpectedly after a trip and fall - the Marine brought my son home early from Iraq. He finished his service and is no longer active as of yesterday - and now has 4 years of reserves. Last night - after binge drinking he thought he heard noises outside last night and 'went on patrol' - and came back scraped up and battered and swears that someone tried to beat him up - yet there was no evidence of that (I think he tripped and fell).

scottiesmom
I don't want to miss any of the signs, but I also don't want to over think everything either.

sa818
Maybe the ones that are of more meds can function he sleeps.

dr._cantrell
I am so sorry for your loss. He may have fell, is this a typical behavior for him since coming home?

dr._cantrell
No overthinking can not be good, just keep your eyes open and talk about this with your son before it gets to be an issue.

tassiekathy
No - not going 'out on patrol' - but he has been binge drinking since he came home - and then cries about his dad - about his war time experience (which is a bit gruesome - I just listen and give him hugs) and then back to his dad.

dr._cantrell
Do you have any veterans in your circle that he can talk to?

sa818
Scottiesmom I can only tell you from what I have been through is to be there for your son, they go through things that we can never comprehend, both deployments my son acted out after being home for about a month and then he ws fine, he got the help he needed and now in August I have beeen living a nightmare.

scottiesmom
Is it a good idea to suggest therapy when he comes home or should I wait on that to see if he needs it.

dr._cantrell
It sure sounds like your son really needs to have someone to talk to. Losing a dad by a son who is a warrior is very difficult.

Mom_Soz
Please, let Dr Cantrell finish with one question before asking another.

dr._cantrell
I would really first call in the reinforcements. Meaning other veterans to take him out for coffee. They resist therapy often times.

dr._cantrell
What state do you live in>.

scottiesmom
Nxx xxxxxx.

sa818
Tassy son also lost his dad unexpected right before he left for deployment and this is also a issue now with his PTSD.

tassiekathy
He has proactively sought out the VA rep at our local community college - how said he would hook him up with local vets - I guess my biggest worry - can I give him an ultimatim - no more drinking? .

dr._cantrell
There are vet centers in many towns all over the country. Even call them and ask if you can get linked up with a few veterans.

dr._cantrell
I would not give him an ultimatim, this will push him away. You need to get someone there who can talk with him.

Mom_Soz
Kathy... check to see if you have a Marine Corps League in your area. They are retired Marine's and will definitely be willing to help.

allsmiles
Just whenever you get a moment, i was just wondering if it is normal for Marines to 'make up' things that happened over seas, and lie about certain events...? And what would make them feel they had to lie about the events?

dr._cantrell
This is a great idea. They can't do this on their own, and when they lose a father in the midst of these deployments it is a great loss. and they feel anger and alone.

dr._cantrell
What kinds of things do you say they are lying about?

tassiekathy
Okay - I will look into that - I am trying very hard to be supportive - to listen - and to be here for him.

allsmiles
Getting shot. Being with people when they died.

dr._cantrell
This is wonderful, but you can't do this alone, he needs a father image to speak with to process his loss.

dr._cantrell
How do you know this is not true?

allsmiles
Because, they were in different places at different times, from command and other Marines.

Mom_Soz
Kathy, I've gotten involved with our local Marine Corps League. They have been a huge help to many young, recently retired Marines.

dr._cantrell
Sometimes they do things that are covert.

allsmiles
And he cannot tell me "where he got shot."

dr._cantrell
But if he is lying about these events, it could be that he does not feel like he contributed much and needs to embellish to feel okay about his service. He may be comparing his duty with others and feel cheated in some way

allsmiles
But now. Everyone hates him.

dr._cantrell
You mean like his fellow Marines?

..heymicahsmom
Allsmiles, I can't tell you why he does it, but I can tell you some Marines lie about stuff like that. This happened while my son was in Iraq and the other marines in the unit who were with them all the time verified they were lying.

tassiekathy
So he needs a supportive 'father figure' to help him get through this?

allsmiles
Yes. He has no friends and now has gone UA.

dr._cantrell
Yes, I would say this would be very helpful. I am with a lot of OIF Soldiers, Sailors, Marines, Airman and these older veterans are very good medicine for them.

allsmiles
And because he has lied to everyone in the command no one cares.

Mom_Soz
Not necessarily father figure, from my experience, just others who have "been there" to talk with.

..heymicahsmom
Yes, there is no respect for the embellishers.

dr._cantrell
Both, and they find a lot of comfort in these older vets who have been down a road that hopefully they won't have to walk alone.

sa818
Dr. Cantrell have you ever heard of the Wounded Warriors at CLJ or has anyone out there heard of them and what do they do.

dr._cantrell
I have heard of wounded warriors, and I believe I met the man who started the one at CLJ a few years ago, isn't he a Marine who had a traumatic brain injury?

sa818
I don't know I have spoke with so many Officers at CLJ concerning my son and spoke with Major and he wants him to go to the Wounded Warrior barricks I have no idea what it is.

dr._cantrell
It is a rehab program so to speak where he will be with other Marines, this would be great for him.

..heymicahsmom
There is great support for each other in the Wounded Warriors circle.

dr._cantrell
Absolutetly, it is run like the Marines, they set goals, and learn more about themselves, I think this is vital.

sa818
I agree and he is willing to go I just wanted to know nore about it.

sa818
I also wish there was a support group for all of us.

dr._cantrell
It is up to him, his command knows how to reach him. He must remain a part of the "club', this is very important.

dr._cantrell
You have your chat community, and you might put out a call to action in your communities, churches etc. to form support groups and check with the Marines to see what they have in a city near your location.

tassiekathy
Should we join Al-Anon? Or is this PTSD different - especially with the double whammy of war time experience and losing his father.

sa818
His commanders have been very good and also I think becasue I don't give up I have callled them repeadley until something was getting done.

dr._cantrell
Great keep on this so your son gets help.

sa818
I will and I do.

..heymicahsmom
You are a good advocate for your son, SA.

dr._cantrell
PTSD and Grief are different, but there may be some comfort in being in an organized group such as Al-Anon.

Mom_Soz
That's awesome sa!!

dr._cantrell
That is great that you are seeing something and getting help for him.

sa818
Trust me it has not been easy I am very determined to get him the help he needs and let him live the normal healthy life he deserves.

IronMike
Commendable,

Mom_Soz
Sa, I know it is has been difficult for you and your son got angry with you, but I'm sure sometime in the future he will thank you for making sure he got the help... you haven't given up and that is important.

dr._cantrell
They just don't know what they need and this is very important to keep your options open.

IronMike
True.

sa818
No, I won't give up and I have also told his superiors that when a parent calls they should not ridiucle the marine because we are calling we are calling out of concern and they should not be made a mockery of.

tassiekathy
Thank you for your help. I will be back the next time you are here and give you an update.

scottiesmom
I am so glad I have this site to come too now, I feel at ease knowing that if I need to talk I have friends here who will understand.

sa818
I sure understand.

IronMike
Always.

..heymicahsmom
Dr. Cantrell, do you have any thoughts on how to comfort a Marine in a combat zone who calls home crying at the loss of a fallen buddy? How can I support him "long distance?"

anna_rose_luna
We are in this journey together.

IronMike
Yes.

sa818
Yes, we are and there are many many more.

dr._cantrell
Just listen, and let him know that you are there for him, ask him to tell you some good stories about his friend too.

anna_rose_luna
That is very true, and as long as we maintain clear that we can support eache other is very important.

dr._cantrell
Help them move from the grief to the good memories.

..heymicahsmom
Okay, thank you.

dr._cantrell
The support you have even in these chat rooms is very powerful. You soon know that you are not alone and others have also gone through similar issues and can give you ideas of how they dealt with it, some times good and some not.

IronMike
Very True

sa818
Yes that is so true. I have been part of this group for almost 5 years and have learned so much from all of them.

dr._cantrell
This is so wonderful.

IronMike
Me too.

IronMike
About 5 years.

IronMike
& learning.

anna_rose_luna
I am the new kid on the block and I appreciate all of your feedback.

scottiesmom
This is my first time in them and plan to return it has been a lot help tonight for me.

dr._cantrell
Yes, it is a process. With these mutiple deployments comes new issues that we have not dealt with before.

Mom_Soz
Ana & Scotties... I hope you will come back often... We are here every night except Saturday.

IronMike
Deb knows that I remain for those of you whom are new; as Well as My Many Older Friends here; whom have Helped Me SO GREATLY many times.

anna_rose_luna
I do plan to return, this will be my support group and I thank you all.

Mom_Soz
yes, Mike... you are wonderful!!

dr._cantrell
This is so important you learn from eachother and you lean on eachother, this is a community of people who have a common thread and this is very powerful.

IronMike
True.

scottiesmom
Yes it is and I wish I knew about it before tonight.

dr._cantrell
It is NEVER too late, this is a journey.

Mom_Soz
Scotties... I'm glad you found us and now know where you can come.

IronMike
Yes.

scottiesmom
Thank you.

anna_rose_luna
You are not alone.

Mom_Soz
Never.

sa818
Dr.Cantrell do they ever fully recover from PTSD.

IronMike
Our 1st deployment happened before I knew about MarineParents; yet also they were Just Forming during that time, as well.

dr._cantrell
This is a difficult question. First off everyone is different, and how they cope is different. Some depends on their resiliency, some depends on their prior expereinces, and yet some just depends on their event and how it affected them.

dr._cantrell
I never use the word cure.

sa818
I feel I live a battle everyday.

dr._cantrell
It is much like a broken bone, it can be mended, but if the weather kicks up or they strain the area, there is a reminder of their wound.

sa818
Good way of explaining.

dr._cantrell
When I work with my combat veterans, the objective is to learn as much about how they are affected as possible.

dr._cantrell
This means knowing what sets them off, and take and look at how long they are activated from the experience and how they react.

dr._cantrell
Hold on please.

tassiekathy
Great news! I had not had a chance to talk to my son since the incident this morning - when I got home from work - cooked dinner and joined this chat. After getting off - my son came and sat down beside me and told me that the place we just moved to - 1 month ago - there is a meeting place on Wednesdays for AA AND HE'S GOING TO START NEXT WEEK!!!

IronMike
Great!

sa818
That is wonderful.

dr._cantrell
Then we want them to familiarize themselves with what has worked and what has not worked with their PTSD. In other words to be able to be so familiar with their issues and how they react will help them change their behaviors.

anna_rose_luna
Good choice, and congratulations!

dr._cantrell
Do you want me to answer this question?

dr._cantrell
You son is reaching out for help and realizing that he needs help and can't do this alone, thank goodness for him

tassiekathy
He knows it's going to be tough - and he said that he will work on it - and he said not to expect too much too soon - but he knows that he can't do this alone - and it's not a quick fix - an answer to prayer - and thank you for being here tonight - I was on the chat so I couldn't talk to him right away - thank you Dr. Cantrell.

dr._cantrell
Giving your Marines information, normalzing what they are going thru, so they too know that they are not alone is very important.

dr._cantrell
Sometimes they get to the point that they realize things are just not coming together as they expected, and this is when many are open to getting help

Mom_Soz
mmgal... Did you have a question for Dr. Cantrell?

tassiekathy
Again, thank you for being here tonight. I didn't know how to handle what happened last night. I wanted to tell him - no more drinking - you helped me be calm, cool and collected - I'm afraid if I had overreacted he wouldn't have agreed to go to AA - Also said he got a call from a gunney and is going to join his support group - sounds like all your advice is coming together without any intervention from me - just patience!

Mom_Soz
Prayers were answered for you today Kathy, that is wonderful!

IronMike
Good.

dr._cantrell
Wow this is just perfect, and the most important thing here is that he is doing it on his own volition. He WANTS the help this is just wonderful. Patience is so important, but we hate to see our children hurt, and you have done so great.

dr._cantrell
Welcome.

tassiekathy
No,I haven't really done anything I've been coming here before he came home which gave me great preparation - he's doing the hard work - and you are providing the knowledge so I didn't freak out!

mmgal
Thank you for asking,I came on late tonight but I do want to tell you that our son is in aprogram. He has been there one week TBTG. Is there anything or advice for us when he comes home? This is truly a wonderful service, the chat night.

cobalt
I have moto-mailed my son to encourage him to talk if he want's to about things and will just wait to assess him when he gets back.

dr._cantrell
Yes, Freaking out just pushes them away. They have so much on their own plates and then they really feel overwhelmed with all the other emotions and issues that come up with parents and family members.

dr._cantrell
He may never talk so it is important that he has others that he feels comfortable to do so with.

cobalt
He has his older brother and Dad to talk if he so desires. I have been a military brat during Viet Nam and I'm so glad there is so much more help now.

dr._cantrell
Just go on about life, and don't make a big deal about him being in a program. Make sure that other people don't question him, this is up to him to share. Ask him before he comes home if he needs anything special, food, time, activities, no parties etc.

dr._cantrell
He may even need someone outside the family to speak with so please keep this in mind.

cobalt
At times I wish my Father was still alive because he was in WWII and flew the hump to burma. Fortunatly he wrote about his times good and bad. I have it for him if he wants to read it. It is very interesting.

dr._cantrell
This is so wonderful. I am sure all will be fine, just take it easy and don't have any rules and expectations. He needs his time to be his own.

Mom_Soz
I bet that makes for interesting reading, cobalt. What a wonderful gift your Father left you.

IronMike
An Uncle of my wife; also did that job; cobalt

dr._cantrell
History from a family member, this is just a precious gift. You may offer it up to him, but he will decide when the time is right.

IronMike
Yes, it is Very Fortunate that your Dad wrote it down.

Mom_Soz
Chat will close in 4 minutes.

IronMike
It's almost time; so therefore I continue in prayers for all.

Mom_Soz
Are there any other questions before we leave for the evening?

Mom_Soz
Thank you Mike, you and your family remain in my prayers as well.

IronMike
Your Welcome Of Course.

IronMike
Thank You Dr. Cantrell.

IronMike
Some of it may help me as well.

dr._cantrell
You are most welcome, I look forward to being here next month.

dr._cantrell
Good Night all, we will post the date for our next chat.