The following is a transcript of the "Chat with Dr. Cantrell" from January 15, 2010. Links to additional resources and information from the chat transcript are included to the right.
Tracy Della Vecchia:
Dr. Cantrell is our guest speaker tonight. She is an expert on PTSD.
Tracy Della Vecchia:
Are you here to learn more about PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)?
Mom of Adam87:
I think my son has PTSD and wonder if I do...
Mom of Adam87:
So yes, I guess.
Dr. Cantrell:
Good Evening Every One
Mom of Adam87:
Good evening.
Tracy Della Vecchia:
Mom of Adam, is your son a Marine or another branch of the service?
Mom of Adam87:
He is on his 3rd deployment and got in a fight on his last leave.
Mom of Adam87:
That was never like Adam before.
Mom of Adam87:
He is a Marine
Dr. Cantrell:
This is to be expected, unfortunately, or at least this is not uncommon. I am not condoning this, but he must find a more postitve way to let of steam. They get activated quickly, and in combat this is a matter of survival
Mom of Adam87:
That makes sense.
Dr. Cantrell:
There are tooooo many of our warriors getting into trouble with the law.
Tracy Della Vecchia:
Did the fight he got into end up with police involved?
Mom of Adam87:
Well he didn't get in trouble with the law but he did have to go to the hospital as he got the worse end of it.
Dr. Cantrell:
How long has he been home
Mom of Adam87:
The police came to the hospital to see if he wanted to press charges but he didn't because he started it.
Tracy Della Vecchia:
He's currently deployed for the third time.
Mom of Adam87:
That's right.
Mom of Adam87:
He was home for a couple of weeks between his 2nd and 3rd deployment
Dr. Cantrell:
How is he doing now?
Dr. Cantrell:
This is a very difficult time for them. Many find it is extremely difficult to come home and calm down.
Mom of Adam87:
I think he put himself in a bad position and circumstances just escalated.
Dr. Cantrell:
They look for an adenaline rush, when they come home like this life is hum drum and boring, and they will put themselves into posiitions to get the rush they are needing to feel alive.
Mom of Adam87:
Wow.
Dr. Cantrell:
Is he still in the hospital?
Mom of Adam87:
Oh no. He was just there over night.
Mom of Adam87:
It was back in Aug.
Mom of Adam87:
He is fine now, but I really worried about him being okay.
Mom of Adam87:
Can I help him when he gets home to try to find other outlets for his feelings?
Tracy Della Vecchia:
One of the things that your son is doing, Mom of Adam, is making sure that he doesn't turn off the finely tuned skills he has as a warrior in between deployments.
Tracy Della Vecchia:
And that is another thing that is talked about in one of Dr. Cantrell's books, Once a Warrior Wired for Life.
Tracy Della Vecchia:
no sorry, Souls Under Siege
Tracy Della Vecchia:
I'll let Dr. Cantrell expound on that.
Dr. Cantrell:
Yes, so true Tracy. A warrior wants to always keep their edge sharp, and not let down and feel vulnerable. They don't have time for emotions, it is too difficult to feel and then get themself into their warrior stance and do what they have to do.
Dr. Cantrell:
Once a Warrior Wired for Life also speaks of PTSD etc.
Mom of Adam87:
Is that why they drink so much too? to not feel?
Dr. Cantrell:
Yes, they do this for many reasons, because they can, they want to blow off steam, they do it to sleep, to feel more comfortable socializing, and they do it to forget.
Mom of Adam87:
Is there anything I can do to help him?
Dr. Cantrell:
Just be there to love him, and watch him but be careful not to over parent him.
Mom of Adam87:
before he left last time I told him needed to deal with it now or deal with it later, but he would have to deal with it sometime. Was that wrong to say that?
Dr. Cantrell:
Just let him be. They know better than anyone that they issues to face, and it is a very painful journey
Mom of Adam87:
Ok. That's good to know.
Kevsproudmom:
??? here
Dr. Cantrell:
They go at their own pace and it is usually not at the same pace every one else in their midst would prefer, but they are all different and need their space.
Kevsproudmom:
I am aware of some of the signs of PTSD but what would signify that it has reached a very critical stage
Kevsproudmom:
Dangerously speaking
Dr. Cantrell:
What do you mean by that?
Kevsproudmom:
I am having a hard time with the words
Kevsproudmom:
to the point that they MUST seek that help even if they are not
Kevsproudmom:
to destructive patterns
Dr. Cantrell:
IF you see him being abusive, being out of control, getting into trouble with the law, engaging in high risk behaviors.
Dr. Cantrell:
Destructive patterns are sometimes their way to vent their anger, but this can certainly get them into trouble. If you think he is really having hard times, is their a his Marine buddy you can call, a Chaplain, or another Veteran who can take him out for coffee and just check on him
Kevsproudmom:
His buddy is Mom of Adam's son
Kevsproudmom:
they get into things together
Dr. Cantrell:
Then it might be time to ask for an adult veteran to come into the play
Kevsproudmom:
My biggest worry is the short amount of time they had between these deployment this time
Kevsproudmom:
Thank you
Mom of Adam87:
Yes me too. Only 2 months is not much time.
Mom of Adam87:
I don't think they ever got to unwind.
Kevsproudmom:
neither did we
Mom of Adam87:
true
Dr. Cantrell:
It is imposssible to unwind, and with these short transitions they can't afford to unwind
Dr. Cantrell:
This is not a healthy or realistic expectations.
Mom of Adam87:
ok.
Mom of Adam87:
Do they unwind after they leave the corp?
Dr. Cantrell:
It takes time for them to unwind. Once a Marine Always a Marine.
Mom of Adam87:
How about us as parents.
Mom of Adam87:
Do we ever unwind?
Dr. Cantrell:
The training they get stays with them for all time, it is how they choose to work through their process
Dr. Cantrell:
You will certainly unwind when you know they are home for good
Mom of Adam87:
That's good news.
Kevsproudmom:
I was wondering if we could become stress junkies though
Dr. Cantrell:
Well you are the recipient of transgenerational trauma.
Kevsproudmom:
transgeneratonal?
Dr. Cantrell:
Yes, family members become affected by trauma as well, in the fact that you are living your lives vicariously thru your Marine, and once they come home you deal with their outbursts etc. in a way to not activate it, so it is like walking on egg shells, you may not rest well at night, etc.
Kevsproudmom:
I see
Trish1:
may I ask a question Dr. Cantrell
Kevsproudmom:
of course
Dr. Cantrell:
Yes, please
Trish1:
my son just recently went on IRR
Trish1:
he is currently trying to find a job, and is not having a great deal of luck
Dr. Cantrell:
Yes, this is a very difficult time for employment
Trish1:
have you found that this transition to civilian life, finding a job, etc., has
Trish1:
oh what's the word
Trish1:
um
Trish1:
if they are not currently exhibiting outward signs of PTSD
Trish1:
does this type of stres tend to push it to the open
Trish1:
not sure I said that right
Dr. Cantrell:
This is another frustration, and leaves them feeling as if they are really outside of the main stream
Trish1:
so, this could help push them to that edge, so to speak
Trish1:
both Sue and Tracy have met my son, a man of very few words
Dr. Cantrell:
It could certainly set them on edge
Dr. Cantrell:
He must be the strong and silent type
Trish1:
yep
Trish1:
that's my boy
Dr. Cantrell:
He must be very special
Trish1:
he has told me that the Marine Corps has asked him to participate in a study they are doing in February at Balboa
Trish1:
about the effects of multiple deployments
Dr. Cantrell:
that sounds interesting
Dr. Cantrell:
It certainly has its effects, and is very difficult on relationships.
Trish1:
thank you dr
Trish1:
mike, did you have a question
Dr. Cantrell:
You are most welcome
Freseniusmike:
not yet my son leaves soon
Dr. Cantrell:
Do you have a question
Freseniusmike:
no im just trying to see if i can learn anything
Dr. Cantrell:
This is great that you are wanting to learn about your son.
Freseniusmike:
thanks and thanks for your time im sure it helps alot of people
Dr. Cantrell:
I hope you get a chance to read my books, they will help on many fronts
Mom of Adam87:
yes, thanks for the information Dr.
Dr. Cantrell:
It is truly my pleasure to help as much as I can. Thank you
Freseniusmike:
yes i have 2 marines only 1 ready to leave as of now
Dr. Cantrell:
Is your one deployed at this time
Freseniusmike:
in 2 months
Dr. Cantrell:
How are you preparing?
Freseniusmike:
nothing really trying not to dwell on it
Dr. Cantrell:
YOu might want to talk with your Marine and ask him how he would like you to stay in contact
Freseniusmike:
right he calls every week as of now
Dr. Cantrell:
This is wonderful that he is calling you
Trish1:
Dr. Cantrell, if you could pick one of your books
Trish1:
which one would you suggest for a mom like me who has buried her head in the sand for all 3 of my Marine's deployments
Trish1:
since I have you all to myself
Dr. Cantrell:
Read Down Range to Iraq and Back, this one would be a good one to start with
Trish1:
okay
Trish1:
that may be the one my son bought and read actually
Dr. Cantrell:
What kind of questions do you have?
Trish1:
well, that's my problem
Trish1:
I am not sure I have any questions
Trish1:
my son and I have always had a very good relationship
Trish1:
he talks to me very freely
Trish1:
and I just listen
Dr. Cantrell:
Thisis very important that you have a very good relationship. He is very fortunate to have you there for him
Dr. Cantrell:
Listening is the most important
Trish1:
I try never to judge
Trish1:
I don't offer any advice
Trish1:
I sometimes rephrase what I have heard
Dr. Cantrell:
Perfect this is graet
Trish1:
so that I understand what he is saying
Dr. Cantrell:
This is what we call active listening. Good for you that you get "it", thank you so much for your compassion and insight
Trish1:
well, I think it comes from teaching 7th graders
Trish1:
and I am also in my doctoral program
Trish1:
they are very big on active listening skills
Dr. Cantrell:
good for you. What are you studying
Trish1:
literacy & language
Trish1:
from Cardinal Stritch University
Trish1:
they have a very good reputation in the world of educational research
Dr. Cantrell:
congrats to you. I am glad that you are taking some of your sklls and using them to help your son
Trish1:
I'm trying
Trish1:
he's not really the easiest person to get to talk
Trish1:
he went to Columbia with me last weekend to pack boxes for the care package project
Trish1:
Mickie asked me if he was always so abrupt and not very talkative
Trish1:
she noticed his reticence
Trish1:
I think I spelled that correctly
Dr. Cantrell:
He will probably calm down a bit in time
Trish1:
I hope so
Trish1:
my hope is that one day he will feel comfortable enough to talk to his dad about some of his experiences
Dr. Cantrell:
time will tell. He will do these things on his own if he feels compelled to do so. Just give him time and let him go at his own pace.
Trish1:
I am doing my best to give him space and at the same time be there if he needs me
Dr. Cantrell:
This is the best
Trish1:
pat, do you have anything that you would like to ask Dr. Cantrell
cjv:
my son is getting to the end of his contract. He will be getting out in the next few months .I was wondering if you have any advise for me to help him adjust to being home again
Dr. Cantrell:
Start communicating with him now in terms of what he thinks he might need, get him dialoging with you. It is very difficult to predict or even for them to understand all the changes they may go through. Just take it easy, don't over parent, and be flexible.
cjv:
I am excited to have him home but also worried. Sometimes I think he forgets he is not on base and we are not use to being talked to in such a forceful way. Have you heard this before?
Dr. Cantrell:
Yes, of course, and sometimes you have to let him know that his tone of voice is not acceptable in your home. But take it easy on him, but bottom line is that you want to feel safe and respected in your sanctuary.
cjv:
I do let him know sometimes by just saying, I guess we will have to try to talk about this later or someting to let him know that It is not acceptable. I try not to make a big deal about it but also not to let it go by as if it is okay
Dr. Cantrell:
yes, you have to take this easy.
Cheshire:
On the other end of the spectrum. Our son is leaving soon for boot camp. We are proud, nervous, proud, afraid, proud, worried, proud, and happy that his Dream is coming true. oh yeah we are very proud of him.
Dr. Cantrell:
I am sure you are very proud of him. There is a really neat book called Devil Dog Diaries and this is a friend of mine who took his journal from beginning of his training till the end. I think it is very imformative
Cheshire:
we will get it
cjv:
I have one more question, if it is okay
Dr. Cantrell:
Of course please
cjv:
how do you know when they are suffering with PTSD, is there any sure way to tell? Or should you just assume that if they have been to a war zone that they most likey are?
Dr. Cantrell:
It is fair to say that they will all be changed by being in the war zone. It is best to understand and expect that they are going to be changed. This means that you will see them react differently, not sleep through the night, nightmares, feeling as if they don't fit in, social isolation, may be drinking more etc
cjv:
on a average how long after returning home could you see these things happening
Dr. Cantrell:
If you read Down Range to Iraq and Back there are basic signs and symptoms
cjv:
I have not read it but I will. thanks
Dr. Cantrell:
It will help you understand better, as do all my books.
cjv:
would borders have it?
Dr. Cantrell:
No Tracy has it on her website, and so do I.
cjv:
okay,, thanks I ws
cjv:
oops typing error
cjv:
Thanks your all your help Dr. Cantrell. Have a good night
Dr. Cantrell:
You are welcome. Thank you and good night
Trish1:
thank you Dr. Cantrell
Dr. Cantrell:
you are most welcome.
Trish1:
you have been a big help
